Go to sleep

The past few nights I have not wanted to go to sleep, feeling that sleep is a waste of time. Not feeling like there is something I should be doing instead of sleeping, but instead feeling as if laying silent for 8 hours is a waste and not something I like forward to. I should preface this by saying that sleep and I have had issues as long as I have been around. During the summers spent away at camp I could always stay up later than any other kids in my bunk. The same holds true today. I am quite often the last one to go to my bunk on the bus. As an unspoken rule I usually only go to sleep when I am exhausted and ready to pass out. Some people can lay down and slowly wind down and relax and eventually fall asleep. I can lay down and drive myself crazy until I get out of bed and either head for the computer or the TV. I have given up trying to go to sleep until I know I am ready. But feeling as I am now I keep pushing the ready part further into the future. I am already saying to myself that as long as I get to bed before the sun is up I will be OK. OK for what? I don't have anything to wake up and do tomorrow so there is no real rush to get to bed and rest up. Even if I had something to do there would be no rush to get to bed, just a self inflicted pressure. Sometimes I say fuck it and just go without sleep. But that isn't always the best thing for me. But then again neither is getting out of bed at 4:00pm.